To The Guy I Caught Peeing On My Wife's Expedition

"PatBateman" (PatBateman) 09/13/2015 at 20:25 • Filed to: Assholes

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... In the parking lot of the Texans game. You, who parked next to us in the Escalade, who I screamed at from thirty yards away and made almost piss on yourself. Yeah, YOU.

You should be happy that I was there. Really. I gave you an earful as you zipped up and jumped into your car with your party, but my wife was ready to literally pull you out of the drivers seat and whip your ass. And I’m not using the word “literally” for effect here. She LITERALLY was ready to do it. The only thing that stood between her and you was the calm, cool, and collected me.

I understand that you were doing it because you forgot to go tinkle in the stadium like a big boy as you were leaving. You meant no malice towards us. But you did it. ON HER FRONT BUMPER. IN FRONT OF US.

The ONLY reason why I personally let it go was that you swore up and down that you pissed on the ground and not the truck. You might have, but I wasn’t about to run my fingers along the bumper to confirm that. To my wonderful wife, however, the details of exactly where you aimed your prick mattered not.

For times in the future where you’re out in a public parking lot and nature calls, avoid relieving yourself ANYWHERE NEAR someone else’s vehicle. The consequences might be significantly more dire next time.

End Rant.

jkm7680 > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 20:28

2

You should have karate chopped him or some ninja shit.

PS9 > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 20:29

1

He was just pissed about you getting the nod for entitlement club president.

Nibby > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 20:30

4

It’s not every day you see Ray Wert pissing on your wife’s car. Be thankful he didn’t dragon it.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 20:31

0

They would have gotten the sawzall or benzene torch had they pee’d on any of our cars.

A really good whack with a tennis racquet to the sausage would suffice though. :p

Good on you for keeping cool.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > jkm7680 09/13/2015 at 20:31

1

Perhaps just chopped him.

Winkwink

El Rivinado > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 20:32

5

Your wife had every right to beat his ass, you're in Texas, no court would convict you.

scoob > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 20:34

14

Read the title and was like

pjhusa > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 20:37

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I don’t think piece of piss guy is also on AWESOME OPPOSITELOCK.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > scoob 09/13/2015 at 20:47

0

Dis gif wins.

EL_ULY > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 20:48

3

Lol Texans game :]

Birddog > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 20:49

1

What is wrong with people today? If you’re going to piss on a car do it on YOUR OWN CAR!

Jeez! No manners anymore.

PS9 > scoob 09/13/2015 at 20:51

1

Damnit bollywood!

PatBateman > EL_ULY 09/13/2015 at 20:53

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Shut it. :(

PatBateman > jkm7680 09/13/2015 at 20:55

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He was sure to jump into his truck before I got there. Wise move.

PS9 > EL_ULY 09/13/2015 at 20:55

4

*Pissin’ on cars*

EL_ULY: LOL

*pissin’ on cookies*

EL_ULY: OH NAW THE FUCK YOU DI’NT! WHERE YOU AT, BITCH! YOU GON’ DIE!!!

PatBateman > El Rivinado 09/13/2015 at 20:55

0

I didn't want to spend $ on bail, mostly.

jkm7680 > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 20:55

0

I would agree with that.

PatBateman > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/13/2015 at 21:00

1

I can be quite menacing (I have a wide-shouldered linebacker physique at 6’1”), but I know when to take it to the next level. This didn’t qualify.

My wife saw it differently. I'm not lying, I had to pull her away from his door.

PatBateman > PS9 09/13/2015 at 21:00

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He just got permanently black balled from the recruitment process.

PatBateman > pjhusa 09/13/2015 at 21:01

1

Maybe one of his passengers are. Maybe that person will read this to him.

EL_ULY > PS9 09/13/2015 at 21:08

0

100% tru fax

EL_ULY > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 21:09

1

I thought i could even, but a little after the second half started, i couldn't

BReLp7dzHM3ytYsE > Nibby 09/13/2015 at 21:10

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I'd be honored if Ray ever dragoned anything I owned. Except for my body. Cause that would be weird

For Sweden > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 21:12

1

The Chase is on. Either you fight for General Motors in the war against Ford, or you’re a bad fan.

Richtofen, Baron von Pickup > scoob 09/13/2015 at 21:21

1

*intensifies*

WHAT IS THAT FROM? I NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE.

Richtofen, Baron von Pickup > El Rivinado 09/13/2015 at 21:22

1

Most rural Texas judges would file this under “Dumb sonofabitch needed an ass whoopin’.”

PatBateman > EL_ULY 09/13/2015 at 21:26

0

The second half was the best half. That was the sad part.

PatBateman > For Sweden 09/13/2015 at 21:27

1

#notallgmowners

M54B30 > PatBateman 09/13/2015 at 21:30

2

The trick is to rub their face on the bumper to see if he was telling the truth.

Seriously, put him in an arm lock and put his face in the bumper like a goddamn dog. He won’t call the cops then he’ll get popped for indecent exposure and a few other charges

scoob > Richtofen, Baron von Pickup 09/13/2015 at 21:47

1

I imagine you could ask here .

Slow4o > PatBateman 09/14/2015 at 00:52

0

Damn which lot was this in? Also that game was depressing to watch, I’m glad I was working today rather than at the game.

PatBateman > Slow4o 09/14/2015 at 08:28

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Orange Lot, near Gate 3 (the one that runs off of Fannin directly to the Astrodome).

Slow4o > PatBateman 09/14/2015 at 16:20

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Ha normally all the super drunk people are in our lot (yellow).